Accepting Christ and becoming a follower of Jesus was one of the greatest moments of my life.
Little did I know, it would also prove to be one of the biggest challenges to my marriage. Read that story: How Religion Almost Ruined My Marriage
As a new Christian (and sometimes even now), it’s hard for me to understand how someone could choose not to accept all that Jesus so freely gives us.
I used to pray daily for God to change my husband. I knew that He could. I knew that Andrew’s life would be so much better if God would just show up and give him an undeniable sign that there was no other life than life in Christ.
I prayed incessantly. God, please change his heart. Let him turn back to you. Change his way of thinking. Change him.
I felt like I was repeating myself and getting nowhere. I ended up frustrated and bitter with Andrew and God.
Seriously, God why can’t you just beat him over the head with your Truth?
Soon, God made it clear to me that I was praying for the wrong thing.
I didn’t need God to change Andrew. There was nothing wrong with him. He was the same person I had fallen madly in love with.
I needed God to change me.
I needed His love and mercy to give me an accepting, patient heart. I needed Him to fill me compassion and love. Satan was filling with me resentment and bitterness and that ugly mess was clouding out what Andrew needed to see the most: Christ’s love.
This was confirmed to me again through a quote I read from Patricia Raybon in her book, I Told the Mountain to Move. She was telling the story of her daughter converting to the Muslim Faith. She said:
“My prayers for her salvation in Christ continued daily. But God’s orders, in the meantime, were to trust him always and to show her love right now…But I still didn’t understand what was happening. When I prayed, God still spoke to my spirit with one answer: Love her. Trust me. And have some peace. Stop turning yourself inside and out, trying to run my business.”
Yes. That’s what He was trying to tell me. Not change him, but change me. Let me learn to trust You more. Let me love this man God has given me right where he is. Love doesn’t come with conditions. The work that God does in the heart of man is His work, not ours.
I was wasting my time on all the wrong things. If I want my husband to turn to Christ, I must show him Christ through me.
In the meantime, I must stop stressing myself out. I have to trust God and his timing. I have to accept my husband for the wonderful man he is and stop focusing on what he isn’t.
I continue to pray for Andrew’s salvation. But I know God has this covered and I’m sure He would prefer for me to stay out of His business.
What area of your life do you need to fully turn over to God? He promises we can trust Him. He will never fail us.