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Accepting Christ and becoming a follower of Jesus was one of the greatest moments of my life.
Little did I know, it would also prove to be one of the biggest challenges to my marriage. Read that story: How Religion Almost Ruined My Marriage
As a new Christian (and sometimes even now), it’s hard for me to understand how someone could choose not to accept all that Jesus so freely gives us.
I used to pray daily for God to change my husband. I knew that He could. I knew that Andrew’s life would be so much better if God would just show up and give him an undeniable sign that there was no other life than life in Christ.
I prayed incessantly. God, please change his heart. Let him turn back to you. Change his way of thinking. Change him.
I felt like I was repeating myself and getting nowhere. I ended up frustrated and bitter with Andrew and God.
Seriously, God why can’t you just beat him over the head with your Truth?
Soon, God made it clear to me that I was praying for the wrong thing.
I didn’t need God to change Andrew. There was nothing wrong with him. He was the same person I had fallen madly in love with.
I needed God to change me.
I needed His love and mercy to give me an accepting, patient heart. I needed Him to fill me compassion and love. Satan was filling with me resentment and bitterness and that ugly mess was clouding out what Andrew needed to see the most: Christ’s love.
This was confirmed to me again through a quote I read from Patricia Raybon in her book, I Told the Mountain to Move. She was telling the story of her daughter converting to the Muslim Faith. She said:
“My prayers for her salvation in Christ continued daily. But God’s orders, in the meantime, were to trust him always and to show her love right now…But I still didn’t understand what was happening. When I prayed, God still spoke to my spirit with one answer: Love her. Trust me. And have some peace. Stop turning yourself inside and out, trying to run my business.”
Yes. That’s what He was trying to tell me. Not change him, but change me. Let me learn to trust You more. Let me love this man God has given me right where he is. Love doesn’t come with conditions. The work that God does in the heart of man is His work, not ours.
I was wasting my time on all the wrong things. If I want my husband to turn to Christ, I must show him Christ through me.
In the meantime, I must stop stressing myself out. I have to trust God and his timing. I have to accept my husband for the wonderful man he is and stop focusing on what he isn’t.
I continue to pray for Andrew’s salvation. But I know God has this covered and I’m sure He would prefer for me to stay out of His business.
What area of your life do you need to fully turn over to God? He promises we can trust Him. He will never fail us.
I love this post. I have been on the same journey myself.
I wonder though if you are still hoping for your husband to convert to Christianity … eventually?
Or whether you trust that God loves Andrew just as he is and wouldn’t have him any other way?Do you pray for his salvation because you believe that only followers of Christ are saved … or because you feel that Andrew would be able to discern and follow God’s purpose better if he was a Christian?
I am asking these questions, because I know that I have them myself.
In my church we have a prayer for the day. Today’s reminded me of your situation. It is this:
Creator God,
you made us all in your image;
may we discern you in all we see
and serve you in all we do;
through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Hi Glo! Thanks for commenting. I pray for Andrew’s salvation. My Bible tells me that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, and the ONLY way to the Father is through Him, and I believe that. I believe God loves my husband, and I believe God is working on His heart. Thankfully, it’s not up to me to decide who goes to Heaven and who doesn’t. That’s God’s work and I’m staying out of it
These are difficult questions, for sure. Questions I just don’t have answers for. I can only tell you what I feel in my heart, and what my Bible tells me.
I often wonder what Jesus meant by ‘being the Way, the Truth and the Life, and the only Way to the Father’ …
Some believe that it means we must have professed Jesus to be our personal Saviour and Lord at some point in our lives. I am not so sure. He didn’t actually say that …
Jesus said ‘follow me’. But what does that mean?
Can we follow Jesus without knowing him? Or can we know him in a way which is different to ‘the Christian way’?
(Have you noticed that I like asking questions? LOL)
Jesus is the Way the Truth and the LIFE. The only way. You cannot know Him if you do not read the bible and you cannot follow Him if you are only trusting in yourself and your own power. First of all, you have to realize that you are a sinner no matter how good or how bad you have been. You must realize that you are powerless on your own and the only one that has any power is HIM. Thirdly, to “follow Him” you have to be willing to shed all of yourself and your worldy possessions to someone greater than you. You can’t do any of this unless you believe that He is the Son of God and that you are worthless without HIM. There is no other way.
I pray for both my husband and my son. My son is a total dis-believer. He came out of college that way, though he was raised in the church. My husband will no longer will go to church with me and only goes with the family for Christmas and Easter, to be a part of the family, I believe. When I “once in a blue moon” ask him to talk with me about what he believes, he will only say that he doesn’t know. I do not try to pressure either one. I pray for them both and try to be an
example, but I often fail in this. It is a blessing to see others comment on this issue.
Liz- I will be praying for your son and husband. Let them see Jesus in you and as a friend told me tonight, stay out of His way. Be patient and show them the love and mercy of Jesus. He will work on their hearts.
Thank you so much for this…it’s just what I was looking for! I too am married to an unbeliever. We were married while in the Army and never really discussed our beliefs. He got out and went to college and came out of college a true unbeliever. I blame college:) It really did change him in so many ways. I was in Iraq for a year and came back a die hard lover of Jesus. I mean, he go me through war:) I was on fire and in love. Thank God for the Chaplins! My hubby was the exact opposite as he graduated from college while I was deployed, and I was angry about that. I’ve struggled and struggled and God has pulled me along saving our marriage more than once. Answering prayers and showing me that He is always present. However, He just keeps telling me to support my husband. I’m so selfish because I want things my way when I want them. Your post described me to a T (I’m not calling you selfish-that’s me). I do need to quit trying to make God do what I want Him to do and do what He’s told me to do.
By the way, I am blessed with a wonderful husband. We struggle most when it comes to raising our son. Of course, I want to raise him as a believer and my husband wants him to have a more wordly view. God is guiding that too.
Again, thank you for your post!
Hi Christina!Thank you for commenting. I love hearing the stories of other wives who have unbelieving husbands. I totally understand what you are saying. My husband is a wonderful man too. He is a complete blessing to me and I just have to keep focused that the work that takes place in his heart is God’s work, not mine. And by the way, you can call me selfish anytime because 99% of the time, it’s the truth.
This was a great post. Thank you for sharing your heart. You’ve become very wise. I am sure your heart and your story will bless many women.
Hi Sherry! Thank you for reading and commenting. I pray that other women in the same situation will find some hope through this post. I know how dark it can be when it seems as if no one else understands.
1 Peter 3:1-2 talks about husbands being one over to Christ by the behavior of their wives. Seems like you are right on track!
Thanks for linking up with WIP Wednesday and sharing your honest heart here!
Mary Beth
Oh I’m embarrassed. I put “one” instead of “won”!
I LOVE this post!! This is the first time I have been to your wonderful blog, and I’m enjoying my visit. I will be impulsive here and ask you to consider linking up to our “EOA’ Wednesday link-up party to share this with other readers. It is just the kind of encouragement I’m desiring to share there
Many blessings, new friend!
Jacqueline
Hi Jacqueline! Thank you so much for your sweet words. I did link up to EOA! I pray that the post may bless others. I’m so glad you stopped by and commented. I look forward to getting to know you more!
Hi Heather,
I just found your blog today. Thanks for posting this. I was saved when I was young and grew up under legalism…to make a long story short, I walked away from God and married an unsaved guy. We have been married for 20 years. They have been very difficult years. Through the years I have grown closer to Christ and have learned that I have not been a good wife and pray that I can change so that my husband can see Jesus in me.
Thanks for your post and your openness.
Ruth
Hi Ruth! Thanks for stopping by. Being “unequally yoked” is definitely challenging at times, but it gives us such incredible opportunities to be the hands and feet of Christ. Praying for you, sweet sister. Blessings!
all these comments make a lot of common sense, iam a christian and seen lot unjust liviving in and around our families, but my daily prayer to Jesus and mary, has proven always justly saved in every situation for whom I have prayed for, especially my husband, when i go bible study class in our church, i ask my husband to pray for me and when i ask him if he prayed , his reply was i dont know how to pray , but i make the sign of the cross for god to help you, and my heart was joyfull at his simplicity. thank god for his many many miracles in my life , i love my lord and i praize his name please dont give up just pray and be thankfull in everything god bless you all amen. maria.
Hi Heather, I found this blog on Pin today. I find that I am not praying for my husband’s salvation any longer because I am angry and resentful towards him. It is hard to show him the love of Christ when his actions and attitudes anger me so much! Indeed, I need to allow God to change me, not my husband. Thank you for your post and I praise God that he led me to it this morning.